Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
