So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
