Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
