come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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