I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
