i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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