I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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