So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
