Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
