She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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