I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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