yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
