HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
