my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
