Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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