You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
