fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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