left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
