gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
