Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
