I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
