Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
