Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That accounts for only three of the penises
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
