New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
