Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
