You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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