How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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