these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
