I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How's work?
Spinning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
