I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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