he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
