This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
