Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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