Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
