I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
