i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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