You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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