for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
