Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
