it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
