I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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