Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
