i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
