Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
