matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
