She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
