We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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