She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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