NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to wash the frat house off of me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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