Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
