dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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