we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
