The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to calm my uterus...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
