so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
